Hi, I’m Sharon.

 I’m learning that I frequently try to motivate myself with fear. I tell myself that if I don’t lose weight I will never be married and other such things. I know plenty of people who are overweight and married. Why should that make a difference? But I still tell myself this. I try to use fear to motivate myself to change. Spoiler alert: It never works.  Fear doesn’t motivate change. Fear stops it. Faith and hope for a better future are the real motivations. When I focus on the things I am afraid of and try to hide from them I end up blocking growth and change. When I accept that problems happen and face the things I am afraid of, in spite of my fears, I am able to make progress and live a more productive life.  I have spent years of my life running from fear and discomfort and have started only recently to really understand how limiting that view point has been, as well as how damaging. Life is meant to be lived. The world is meant to be explored. I am learning that to ma...

 I fluff up my pillow, turn out the light and tuck in my teddy and kiss him good night.  Then laying in bed I stare at the black, hoping for sleep, to develop the knack.  What more can I do to bring about sleep? I’ve counted and recounted each tap dancing sheep. My mind won’t stop racing, my thoughts are a mess and sleep’s as elusive as a cow in a dress.  The world’s topsy-turvy like blind honey bees and that’s half the reason for anxieties.  Perhaps it’s the cows, the sheep and the bees that keep me from achieving my long hoped for z’s.  I then remember the thing I’ve forgot, to thank God for blessings received, such a lot.  So I kneel down by the side of my bed and don’t climb back in until my prayers are said.  I run all my worries in front of my Father. He always does listen, and it’s not a bother.  Then back to my bed, I lay down in a crash and hope that He helps me find sleep in a flash.  And even if sleep doesn’t come right away, ...

It’s that stinking thinking that knocks you on your tail.  It’s that voice in your head saying that you are doomed to fail.  It’s that trail in your mind that you’ve trod a thousand times.  The furrows are so deep, the sides are hard to climb.  That furrow is a canyon now, your feet have cut the way.  You never thought that you’d regret the damage you had caused one day.  It’s worn deep with repetition, this path you thought would be A path to inhibition, a path to liberty.  Oh, but this trail has only ever had one end.  It’s a place of shame and misery void of any friend.  You may try to leave it, to jump the slippery sides.  You scramble with fingers and toes but downward you still slide.  That’s the stinking thinking that tells you to give right in.  “You are already in the furrow you were never going to win.” There’s no hand holds here, you’ve worn them all away.  Do you let the stinking thinking...

One of the main things we are here to learn is self mastery.  It is also one of those things that addicts struggle with most.  If we were good at self mastery then we would not be addicts.  I struggle with a few addictions but one in particular was pulling my strings today.  It was also an eye opening experience.  I allowed myself, to not just flirt with the line, but to put my foot over it.  I knew what would happen if I did. I knew the damage that it could do and the confusion that it would cause, but I did it anyway because I wanted just a little bit of the old high.  Having crossed the line, I met someone.  I was debating if I wanted to partake of my addiction.  Once I had crossed the line it looked so much more appealing. The person that I met said that it was okay, that I was a grown woman and that it was my choice to make.  I mentioned how I was an addict and I shouldn't be there. This person told me that it was no big deal and th...

     I am very grateful for 12 step meetings.  This week I have put off meetings.  I have been lax in my attentions to those things that keep my on the wagon, so to speak.  I have felt low and have had challenges with things that trigger my anxieties and addictions.  I have not relapsed but I have not felt like myself.       Last night, I couldn't sleep and I found that nothing I did calmed my anxiety.  I watched an uplifting movie and still felt on edge.  I listened to different books and music and still had no peace.  At one point I even had the thought to indulge in an addiction to calm myself down.  I knew that was not what I wanted. God has blessings for me. Why would I throw those good things in my life away, or push away the future blessings to "fix" my problem now? (And it wouldn't have been a fix.  I would have felt better briefly but in the long run I would have felt worse.) After a few ...

There is a reaching that comes with prayer, on a starry night or a morning fair;  There is a reaching to the sky where my Father dwells on high.  My spirit reaches to God above. He reaches back with arms of love. He sent down Jesus to lead the way. It’s Him I follow day by day. In times of trial prayer brings new light. I look to heaven for brand new sight.  My eyes are open and I see The Savior beckon, “Follow me.” The Spirit whispers my Father’s word, to mind and heart, so gently stirred.  It helps me learn what is right and brings sweet peace at night. I listen to my Father’s voice sent through the spirit. I rejoice To hear the words from God above that He sends to me with love.