Hi, I’m Sharon.

     I am very grateful for 12 step meetings.  This week I have put off meetings.  I have been lax in my attentions to those things that keep my on the wagon, so to speak.  I have felt low and have had challenges with things that trigger my anxieties and addictions.  I have not relapsed but I have not felt like myself.       Last night, I couldn't sleep and I found that nothing I did calmed my anxiety.  I watched an uplifting movie and still felt on edge.  I listened to different books and music and still had no peace.  At one point I even had the thought to indulge in an addiction to calm myself down.  I knew that was not what I wanted. God has blessings for me. Why would I throw those good things in my life away, or push away the future blessings to "fix" my problem now? (And it wouldn't have been a fix.  I would have felt better briefly but in the long run I would have felt worse.) After a few ...

There is a reaching that comes with prayer, on a starry night or a morning fair;  There is a reaching to the sky where my Father dwells on high.  My spirit reaches to God above. He reaches back with arms of love. He sent down Jesus to lead the way. It’s Him I follow day by day. In times of trial prayer brings new light. I look to heaven for brand new sight.  My eyes are open and I see The Savior beckon, “Follow me.” The Spirit whispers my Father’s word, to mind and heart, so gently stirred.  It helps me learn what is right and brings sweet peace at night. I listen to my Father’s voice sent through the spirit. I rejoice To hear the words from God above that He sends to me with love. 

     Sometimes, life's just hard.  Sometimes, there are days when everything seems difficult and getting out of bed takes every ounce of energy.  Today has been one of those days.  I don't know why they happen.  Sometimes, they just do. Many times people don't understand. It's not laziness.  It's a symptom of mental illness.      I have dealt with anxiety since I was a child. I would fall asleep praying to God to keep me safe. I was scared of what could happen while I slept. Whether it was fire or robbers, I was terrified that something would hurt me or my family. I would have very vivid dreams where I would see those I loved burning alive and there would be nothing that I could do.  I was also afraid of Satan.      To combat these feelings I would climb into bed with my parents.  Eventually, I didn't want to bother them so I would stand at the end of their bed until I could calm down, or...

    I know that God answers prayers.  In 2019 I started to go to 12 step meetings again.  A friend mentioned that she was going and asked if I would be interested in checking out the meetings.  I explained that I had been to meetings before but that I would like to go again.  That was the beginning.      I had been asking God for years to take away my addictions. I never seemed to get an answer.  As things progressed over the years I could stay sober for only about a month, usually, but no longer than that.  It seemed that it was never going to end. Things only seemed to get worse as time when by. Sometimes, I would give in quickly because I would think to myself, "What is the use of fighting? I know that it will eventually happen anyway." I felt like I was stuck.  I had no hope that I could stay abstinent.  I would pray for help and go for a while but it was a constant battle and I was white knuckling almost the wh...

When the day’s light is gone and the nighttime has come, My fear starts to peak as I make my way home. I know what awaits me there in my small room, The demons that haunt me and make life my tomb. They tell me I’m worthless and that if I’m wise, I’ll ignore my conscience and heed their advice. “Life will be better if in spite of your need, “You take what you like 'cause the world turns on greed.” “Are you sure?” I ask them with naive surprise. There’s no light that glimmers in those sunken eyes. They respond with contempt written on faces long “You fool, you should know that we never are wrong.” I try to ignore them, to virtue keep true That’s something about which they make a to do. “Virtue’s overrated, trust us you’ll see.” They coax me and tell me that it’s not to be. The list it goes on of these attributes holy They know to attack them when I’m feeling lonely. My mind gets so foggy my thoughts are impaired And they take advantage when I’m feeling scared. They send thoughts and...