Keep Progressing

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     I am very grateful for 12 step meetings.  This week I have put off meetings.  I have been lax in my attentions to those things that keep my on the wagon, so to speak.  I have felt low and have had challenges with things that trigger my anxieties and addictions.  I have not relapsed but I have not felt like myself.

      Last night, I couldn't sleep and I found that nothing I did calmed my anxiety.  I watched an uplifting movie and still felt on edge.  I listened to different books and music and still had no peace.  At one point I even had the thought to indulge in an addiction to calm myself down.  I knew that was not what I wanted. God has blessings for me. Why would I throw those good things in my life away, or push away the future blessings to "fix" my problem now? (And it wouldn't have been a fix.  I would have felt better briefly but in the long run I would have felt worse.) After a few hours, I had the thought to listen to some conference talks from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I realized that God was what I was missing and that it was going to be with His help that I could feel peace. I turned on a talk and with in minutes I had the peace I had been looking for.

      Today, I spoke with my sponsor and committed to do a phone in meeting.  It was such a help.  Step 4 was what we read today.  It was a small meeting but the spirit was there and it was exactly what I needed.  I have been stuck on step 4 for some time now.  One of the other participants who shared talked about the blessings that come from step 4.  He talked about how it is the step where we discover the root of what drives our addictions. Addiction is a symptom of something much deeper. Until we can find that something, sobriety is at risk. I realized that my inability to finish step 4 is not only keeping my from completely trusting God, but is also threatening my ability to stay clean. This is key to my progression.

      God wants me to progress.  The 12 steps break down the atonement of Jesus Christ so that I, a proud and stubborn person, can have access to the healing and improving power of God. "God be thanked for the matchless gift of his divine Son."


Comments

  1. Kelly HerbertMay 24, 2020 at 4:10 AM

    I love your insights and your sincere desire to remain close to Heavenly Father.♥︎

    ReplyDelete

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